Between Friends...

She looked up at the stars twinkling softly in the sky and whispered, "I love you". 

Her friend laughed and asked, "who are you professing your love to?". 

She turned her head to look at him, and said, "The stars. You see, us humans are made to thrive in love. We all look for that someone special in our lives, someone to belong to, someone who belongs to us. To be loved back when we love someone, to be cherished, wanted, to have that one person who feels like home even in the worst of times. We fall in love and fall out of love because we never found our home in that person. I've had my share of loved ones too, but no one was home for me, I have been used, abused, loved, hated and I've traversed the plethora of emotions, in between those extremes of love and hate, in my search for my one true partner. I am yet to find him...

You know, there was a time in the prime of my youth when I too, was a gorgeous, stunning young woman. Turning heads, breaking hearts, stirring the feelings of longing in the hearts of men and I guess women alike. At 45, I am now but a shadow of my former self. My hair has greyed with time and experience, my waist has increased in circumference, I have gained weight...some in the flesh and some in wisdom. I have lived a life which felt like pushing through a storm in the red sea. I made mistakes after mistakes after mistakes, but i guess that makes me human, and maybe sometimes stupid.", she smiled, looking at him.

She looked back at the sky and continues, "I have loved and lost and loved and lost again, but were any of my beloved truly the one meant for me? See, I believe that you need to find the one person who resonates with you in the same spiritual frequency, and that is when you find your better half. Everyone else teaches you something in their short time with you. What to expect, what to let go, what to hold on to, when to be patient, when to stand your ground, when to say enough, when to stick around and when to walk out. 

Life happens to everyone. Each person has their own struggles to overcome. We get busy with the mundane and forget the needs of the heart. We get a job to pay the bills, marry the next best person, have kids, sometimes the marriage works and sometimes it falls apart at the seams like a cloth ripped open. We learn to live with our wounds and continue the rigour of societal duties. 

In this hullabaloo, we lose our quest for love. It takes a backseat, soon to be forgotten. But when the kids go off to college and your bills are getting paid and life starts working like clockwork, the loneliness knock softly on your door. 

We start craving those quiet bonding, those shared silence, that one simple glance that speaks a thousand words.", she paused for breath. 

"Well, what about physical intimacy then?" he asked quizzically. Her words have started to make him think but he could'nt yet understand what he was thinking.

"Oh, that is important too, but when you connect with someone on a soul level, physical intimacy becomes something sacred too. Not a necessity, but something organic that happens when you both tune in. It's hard to explain. It's not like those relationships where physical intimacy dictates the course of the relationship; those are predominantly lust centered, even the excitement lasts till the intimate acts are over, there is no feeling of bonding and togetherness after that. This is different. This is a love where even holding hands can feel fulfilling in a complete and soulful way."

"So, the kind of love you're talking about doesn't need intimacy?", he asked, with furrowed brows, his confusion mounting like a cresting wave.

She sighed. "I guess I can't make you understand yet my friend. Maybe some other time."

She smiled and looked up at the stars and whispered softly once more, "I love you". 

Eternity In A Heartbeat

 Lucid dreaming about your love,

Wrapped in your arms, the warmth a cocoon of safety

Heartbeats like a rhythm divine, powerful, pure.

The smell of your being enveloping my senses,

Like a swirl of heavy intoxicating magic

Time stopped still, when I heard your deep voice

Say sweet nothings in my ears

Sending tingles like a wave over me.

Perhaps we will meet again,

Maybe destiny will tear us apart…

The future is uncertain.

But in your arms,

I have lived an eternity in every heartbeat.

Last words

If I die,

Don’t shed a tear for me.

Don’t talk about me, good or bad.

Don’t say what I could’ve done 

Who I could have approached 

How you could’ve been there 

When I die, 

Don’t pretend, coz you weren’t there.

Don’t attend my wake. 

Don’t talk about me, coz you didn’t know me. 

When I’m gone, 

I will be free at last. 

Free from the fake friendships

Free from the fake relationships

Free from your fake empathy 

I don’t need your sympathy 

When I die,

Your words won’t hurt me no more 

Your actions won’t cut deep like a knife in my back 

Your betrayal won’t punch the air out of my lungs 

Your gossips won’t bruise my soul 

Your blatant hypocrisy won’t make me shed tears of blood

While you fake mourn my death

I will revel in it. 

Free at last from a world and its people 

Free from shackles that bound me

So say whatever you want,

Know that your knives won’t touch me anymore 

Fault in our stars

 

In shadows deep, their love does lie,

Two hearts entwined, beneath the sky.

A man betrothed, a woman fair,

Their love a secret, too much to bear.

Forbidden whispers in the night,

Their passion burns, an eternal light.

But society's chains bind them tight,

Their love condemned, out of sight.

They blame the fault in stars above,

For this unrequited love.

A cruel twist of fate, they say,

That keeps them hidden, far away.

In quiet moments, they confess,

Their love a flame, a sweet caress.

But in the harsh light of the day,

Their love must hide, forever stay.

So they pine in silence, hearts torn,

Their love a secret, never born.

For society's judgment they fear,

Their love condemned, forever near.

In shadows deep, their love does lie,

Two souls adrift, beneath the sky.

Forbidden love, a tragic tale,

Their hearts entwined, but to no avail.

Leap of Faith

 

Take a leap of faith my love,

Past hurt left abandoned at the curb.

Kisses in the foyer, under the mistletoe,

Goosebumps on our skins, 

Butterflies in our stomachs,

That’s what’s in store now. 

Burning flesh under your caresses,

Heady cocktail of carefree banter 

Sizzling passion as we melt into each other,

The orgasmic kisses, sultry skin, 

Swollen, glistening lips that say I love you

The yearning looks in public,

and crazy love in private 

The gentleness of our touch,

Yet the urgency in our lovemaking.

The silent glance that promises a lifetime of bliss…

All this and more await us.

Take a leap of faith my love!

Bury the hurt and the pain of the past,

Shed the scars and come glow with me.

Empty promises are not my forte

Let’s learn to trust again, in each other and in ourselves 

Take a leap of faith my love 

Look back one last time to say goodbye to sorrow 

‘Cause when you look ahead 

I’ll be standing there, waiting 

Kiss me, take my hand,

And take a leap of faith, my love!

Ruk toh zara

Oye faqeera ruk toh zara

Khamoshi mein gham ko na samet

Halka sa uns jo bheeni si Khushbu ki tarah Mehakaye

Usey dhoond zara 

Hawas ko mohabbat ka naam dene wale 

Junooniyat se waqib kahan

Kabhi shiddat wali pyaar karke dekh e kaafir 

Jannat kadmon mein hogi, Nasha sir chadh ke bolegi 

Agar yahi khuda na hain toh Phir khuda kya hain 

Ab jaan liya ki Ibadat e ishq hi khuda hain 

maut ke deedar ko kyon taras raha zehnaseeb

Jab Tere saamne zindagi khada hain 

Fallen Angel

 

Oh but they try too hard with their lies and deceit,

Concocted out of spite and a dash of jealousy.

Pull me down, make the gossip go ‘round and ‘round 

Burn my wings and snatch my halo.

Little did they know, a warrior angel isn’t mellow 

I draw my sword, discard the shield

Today isn’t the day when I will yield 

Pulling the bloody heartstrings out with my hand 

I sever the chords that held me back 

Chains that bound me, were within 

A slash of the sword and they couldn’t reign me in 

The whirlpool of hate started to fade

When I spread my wounded wings and started to soar

I reach for my halo, a golden light of hope

I’m above your hatred, above your rage

I’m out of reach, a woman you couldn’t gauge 

I’ll rise above the dark clouds, 

An angel chagrined 

My tears gave birth to the Phoenix,

My heartache made the Dragon

Together we will rise 

While you will be called the fallen! 

Indefatigable

My weary soul begs to rest my bloodied feet;

Pierced with thorns, cut by shards of glass 

Of a shattered heart that once beat in rhythm divine,

On a dreary road in a journey called life,

I’ve been dragging the cross for far too long.

The crown of thorns adorning my bloodied head,

The albatross hung around my neck,

I’ve been burnt at the stake every night!

“Witch” they say, as I conquer all adversities.

Fate throws a few more, I slay the demons,

While befriending the dragon that guarded the tower I once lived in.

“Bitch” they call me, when I refuse their lecherous advances…

Bludgeon. Bully. Beat. Berate. 

Bleed dry this blasphemous wench,

I smile as they prepare the stake again.

Burn me to smithereens — 

My dragon sheds a tear, I rise again from my ashes;

Bloodied, barely alive…but brave enough to face another day. 

My soul weeps in silence, begging for respite.

I softly tell her, not yet, battles to win before we do.

So we dredged along, weary but determined to win eventually. 

I’m the woman they will one day name Indefatigable! 

The Letter

Holding the parchment in my hand,

I put pen to paper.

The ink flew innocuously, gathering itself in a pool 

The parchment soaking it in and making patterns of its own

Like tears painting a face with broken dreams

I gingerly held my trampled heart in my hands 

Thinking of you as you revel in your conquests 

Of women smitten by your charm 

Only to move on to the next hunt 

I had wrapped my heart in an envelope and posted it to you 

It came back un-received and trampled

Sitting forlorn in my postbox 

This time the ink created a blessing in the parchment 

Goodbyes are overdue 

You’ll always be a cherished friend 

But my heart I’ll keep to myself 

Writing a love letter, never to post 

Waiting for a letter that will never arrive 

 

Who am I

You wanted to know who am I 

I am the flame men get drawn to like moths,

Crash and burn in the sizzling heat of my being 

While my flame sputters for a moment

Only to rise back up stronger and brighter.

You wanted to know who am I

I am the water gushing through the streams, rivers and into the whirlpool in the middle of the sea 

Pulling you into my soul like a heady mess

Gasping for breath but unable to fight the current of my emotions 

Being carried away into calmer waters once you’ve learnt your lesson 

You wanted to know who am I 

I am the whirlwind that spins you around 

Light weighted and free in my presence 

My laughter letting you float in a cloud of bliss 

Until you land gently or with force 

Depending on the choices you made while flying with my wind beneath your wings

You wanted to know who am I

I am the nurturing earth

My fruits feed your soul 

Satiating your hunger and letting you grow strong 

My perfume fills your world with beauty and ecstasy 

My flowers adorn your hair and body

Giving you the childlike mirth you once lost 

You wanted to know who I am

I am the invisible hand that caresses your spirit 

Wiping the tears off your face 

Lifting you up from the depths of despair 

Teaching you your worth and you place in the universe 

I am a woman, quintessentially

I am a woman forevermore

I am…me! 

No redemption

Thinking about you in my lonely bed,

Heaven feels like hell without you in it.

Memories flash through my ravaged mind,

Bittersweet pain brings tears with the smile.

I know I didn’t do right by you,

I wish I could turn back time, 

I wish I could undo the hurt,

I wish I could show how I feel,

How much you mean to me.

But I know I’ve pushed you too far,

Redemption seems like a distant dream.

I call out to the gods that may be,

For a second chance to do right by you,

My prayers falling into silent ears,

I know I’m losing you with every breath I take,

The pain crushes me but all I want now,

Is to know that you’re happy. 

This will hurt a lifetime,

But I will learn to live with the pain,

Because in the end, all that matters are memories, 

So keep the good ones, forget the rest,

Remember me with a smile and not a frown,

And if ever you could then come back to me,

I’ll be waiting, however long it takes,

Cause all that matters is seeing your smile again,

And knowing that the sun will shine back on me. 

Kaash ki kabhi aisa ho…

Dil jaise koi pyaala ho,

Dard ka jaam bhar de ismein.

Aankhein rooh ki badal banke,

Gham ki baarish aansuyon se karte ho jaise.

Lab karti hai saazish aisi,

Ki us bewafa ko yeh kashmakash ho...

Ke Bhar aaye dil aur nam aankhon se dekhte huye,

Hum is kadar hans rahe kaise.

Kaash ki kabhi aisa ho…

Usko Ek nazar hamari talaash ho…

Bliss of Motherhood

Found this poem scribbled on a piece of paper, the day after my baby girl was born...dedicated to my lovely daughter, Sheen...

The scent of innocence wafts in,

Through the open windows of my heart.

Senses prevail in a sublime world,

Of surrealistic splendor.

Ears behold the gurgling laughter,

Of newborn cherubins.

Water tastes like sparkling wine,

In this other world of happiness.

Eyes open to a world of beauty,

Created to perfection by an unknown hand.

Magickal wonder rests softly

On everything seen and unseen...

That of which dreams are made of,

That of which I am a part,

In sleep as well as in wakefulness.

The Bald Experiment

A few months back, I shaved off my head as a social experiment.

The reactions I got were a mixed bag and confirmed my belief in social biases and stigmas associated with lack of a mop, and the collective definition of beauty.

While some of my friends were concerned at this sudden decision, they appreciated my “badass” look and said this ‘avatar’ suited me. Some said I resembled Aung, from The Last Airbender, some said I looked like a thug, some said I was Tylor from Billions, some said I am a monk now...some jested that I should get a tattoo on my head.

A few of my Instagram followers were downright rude and asked how dare I shave my head.
My Facebook friends were a little more subtle but most liked it (maybe because they are mostly from the western world and are more used to these random acts of change).
Twitter followers was concerned if I was ok.
I’m yet to get a reaction from LinkedIn, which I’m waiting for eagerly now.
My kid hated it and was more concerned about what “people” will think. Her friends were shocked and concerned.
I had  people in the apartment complex stare at me. Most people refused to comment.

Made me think about all those people who are naturally bald or had to shave off due to chemotherapy or maybe had their hair fall out because of some side effect of something they took or some disease. The social stigma is mind-boggling! 

We need to redefine beauty as something that's not skin deep or superfluous. Beauty lies in the way you behave with someone less fortunate than you. Beauty lives in a kind word, a much needed hug, a warm smile. Beauty is when you are present for someone who needs you. Beauty is when you ae honest and caring and loving and gentle and faithful and helpful. 

Maybe its time we redefined beauty and taught our children to look beyond the physical attributes and learnt to appreciate a person's soul.

They say beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder...they also say that the eyes are the window to our souls...let the eyes look into the souls of a living being and see their innate goodness and appreciate humanity...for else, we cease to be humans when we shun, mock, tease, ridicule our brethren solely based on their physical attributes. 

Be kind...it doesn't cost a penny!   

Shattered dreams

Rising from the dirt of abandonment like a Lotus in swamp,

I looked up to you like a Sunflower gazes at the Sun.

Gathering my broken pieces of a faintly beating heart,

I dared myself to love again.

Consumed by the flames of emotions,

The soul surrendered to your magnetism. 

Like a moth to a flame I flew too close to the Sun

Inevitability ensued promptly.

The warmth transformed to a searing heat.

Scorching me to the bones and scarring my consciousness.

The soul was burnt, the heart melted away to oblivion

Dreams shattered into a million pieces 

This time I won’t be invictus

This time I won’t get back up with my bloodied head and an aching heart

This time my eyes search for you 

While I lay defeated 

If  I walk the earth again,

There will be no light in my soul,

No spark in my eye 

No smile on my lips

You’ve taken them all with you.

May you shine in all your glory, eternal sunshine 

While I bite the dust! 

Fated Love

I had loved many a loves,  Not knowing love will be lost.
The betrayals and heartaches abound, I nurtured my weeping heart.
Disillusioned and yet hoping for a miracle, I plastered a happy mask on my forlorn face.
Then you came along...Like a dazzling ray of the Sun, 
Tearing my darkness apart.
But this time I knew I’ve lost, the moment I loved you.
No surprises in store, the heart revels in your love,
Yet weeps for the inevitability of losing you forever, 
So I clamour for more time, wishing I could freeze time. 
Never have I loved so fervently, neither cared so deeply.
Words seem to fail me in my quest to confess my true feelings.
I’ll lose you for sure, for it is destiny.
But I’ll love you forevermore, because  I’ve never known true love till I met you.
Fated love, yes this is.
But to love you and be loved by you...
I look at you, my own personal Sun and smile...
Nothing can describe this feeling, 
Fated love! But one that defines me! 

My patch of sunshine...

Thunder, lightening and the dark skies,

Drenching me in drops of sorrow.

Soaked to the skin and bones,

I bowed down to fate.

When a sliver of the sun cut through the black haze.

Lighting up my soul.

I know it’s short-lived.

So I try to soak in the warmth.

Stealing precious moments, 

Imbibing my soul with the light exuding from you. 

My little patch of sunshine.

Unreal, enigmatic and a mirage,

I defy all odds and say “So what!”

A drop of the sun’s rays is all I need.

To warm my shattered heart and recharge my weary soul.

When the light leaves me for good,

The memories will persist,

And along with it, so will I.

Daring the darkness to engulf me again,

Knowing the remnants of the sunshine in me

Will shine through

Making me Invictus yet again! 

Zarranawazi...

“Bekhauff huye hain Ishq mein,

Woh jo kabhi sahme huye se rehte thein ...

Meikhane ki justjoo kaafir kiya karte hain.

Ishq ki ibaadat Karne wale...

Woh toh mehboob ke aankhon se jaam piya karte hain!”

Deewangi...

RiShton ke Zanzeer baandhte hain jism ko,

Rooh kisi ki jaagir nahin.

Jab dil naache ishq ke Nashe mein, 

Toh ishq ki showhar, ishq ki Khuda,

Ishq hi Ibaadat hota hai. 

Pyaar mein pathhar khana Asaan nahin.

Yeh toh sirf faqiron ki Aadat hain;

Duniya kya jaane deewangi,

Seeta toh Sab ban sakte hain. 

Radha ya Meera ban ke toh koi dikhaye! 

Armaan

Inayat hai khuda ki,

Jo Tere dil mein panaah mila.

Tujhpe yakeen na kiya,

Tauheen hui yeh humse.

Gustaakh dil ne arzi Di hai,

Ab maaf bhi kar ae sanam.

Tere ibadat mein dum nikle,

Bas yahin Armaan,

Ab in saanson se nikle!

Gustaakhi maaf

Tere nazron ki ruhaaniyat,

Shiddat deti hain uns ko.

Tere qurbat ke Chahat mein

Hayat moajaza si lage.

Maraasim ki justju mein sukoon khoya.

Ranjish-e-dil ne alfaaz fanaa kiye.

Tashreeh kya de aapko?

Tadbeer dhoondne chale the,

Judai ka gham bhulne ko.

Inayaat Na dikhi,

Bas kohram machaye chale aye.

Translation:

The soulfulness  of your eyes

Lends intensity to love.

The need for your closeness,

Makes life look like a miracle.

I’ve lost peace in my search for relations.

The anguished heart destroyed all words.

What explanation should I give you?

I was searching for a solution

To forget the pain of separation.

I missed seeing my blessings, (and)

Just created chaos and came back.

When we sleep...